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If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
You make me have filthy thoughts, and for that I thank you...
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.
I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?