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Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
"And then I rented a monster truck and drove it through their f*cking house!" - How all my stories would end if I was a billionaire.
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Iām an only child, and Iām still not the favorite.
Helpful tip #12: Never buy all the tools you need to kidnap, kill and bury someone from just one store.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
A man who scratches his butt should not bite fingernails!
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
Question everything...Or should you?