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Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?