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That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
Halloween is the perfect time to redistribute those undesired condiment packets of ketchup, mustard, BBQ & soy sauce.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.