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Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
I never finish anyth...............
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
We think therefore we must be, but are we?
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.