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According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?