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I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
Velcro is a ripoff
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-