Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
I bet now a lot of doctors are going to be reluctant to respond to “Is there a doctor on the plane?”
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.