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Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
Don`t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
Whenever I think of a funny status I always get a pen and write it down so I can use it later, and if the pen is too far away I just convince myself that it wasn’t that funny anyway.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?