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If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
Procrastination comes to those who wait.
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
High fiving was the original "like".
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?