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One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?