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Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink