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I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn`t have done this to me."
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
Word for the day is asstard
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.