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With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
He who laughs last didn´t get it.
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."