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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.