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Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
I don`t know what`s longer, a treadmill minute or a microwave minute.
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
A real ice cream truck would have melted by now.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles