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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`