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Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
Einstein was wrong. The real definition of insanity is trying to clean your house when you have children.
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
If the cupcake has some green sprinkles on it, it`s a vegetable, right?