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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.