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I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.