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That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
“Are you completely sure this isn’t textable?” -the perfect voicemail prompt.
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
1, 2 Freddie´s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?