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Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit