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Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
i like boobs
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.