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When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I`ll sign up to be his coach. It`s important that he knows that I`ll swear at other kids too.
Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
I just witnessed a co worker eat a cupcake with no frosting ... What kind of devil worshiping nonsense is this?
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.