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I`m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! ā no one ever
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever Iām making important life decisions.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
I was born at a very early age.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.