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If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
Iām tired of things costing money.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
So can we just skip to summer now?
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.