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Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.