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You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!