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The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.