Daily Silly Status

There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.

Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.

How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to

You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.

It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.

Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?

Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.

They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.

I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake

I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."

Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.

What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings

The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.

Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”

If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.