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Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?