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My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out