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Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...