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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.