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I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
Man I wanna throw a book at someones face and be like "I Facebooked you!"
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.