Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Was the little pig who decided to built his house out of straw some sort of f***ing idiot?
It`s really ironic that I mostly use my driver`s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.