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Some days are just not meant to be productive.
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?