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It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t
Next time you go to the bank and they ask you if you`d like large bills, just look at them dead serious and say "No, normal size ones if you don`t mind."
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
There`s no easy way to tell someone you lost their kid in a high stakes game of duck duck goose.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."