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I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.