Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they`re hatching some kind of evil plan.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective