Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
status uploading
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!