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Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.