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I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
The word bed looks like a bed.
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?