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I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid`s vomit.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.