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Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.