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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Wine: How classy people get trashed.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.