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Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing aggravates them so much. But if you really want to piss them off tell them you will pray for their souls.
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.