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We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
How many Oreos is too many?...Is it 25?...I feel like it should be more than 25
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
Still haven`t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.