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Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they`re stabbing it? No? How about now?
If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.
Iwent to Office Max to buy a drawing board, but they were sold out. I guess it`s back to the....oh rats...
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you`ve proven that you are not an idiot.
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.