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I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
I liked you better before we met.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.