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You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
I`m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
My life is based on a true story
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.