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Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
Don`t forget to get offended today by some retarded sh!t that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Happy New Year you guys.
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.