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My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
"Friendzoned" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.