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A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.