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I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
Answering my phone and saying... FBI fraud division. Has really cut down on the telemarketers.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.