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I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
Gym update: not there
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..