Daily Silly Status

I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.

Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.

Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside

I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.

Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."

it`s friday o clock

I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.

Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day

roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs

I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.

Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape

I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.

Laughter is the best medicine, but if you are laughing for no reason, you might need medicine.

To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!

I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.