Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
When I was kid, I... No wait, I still do that.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"