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Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.