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Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
This status is mine....I licked it.
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
Office Tip: In a pinch a booger and a small piece of copy paper is as good as a post it note.
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.